Winning Negotiation: 4 Simple Techniques You Need to Know
It was a long meeting in an internal conference room with bad art on the wall. The chairman, his senior officers and I were discussing a fairly large consulting role, and I could feel myself wanting to yawn. Stress? Lack of sleep? Both?
We were three or four hours into the discussion at this point. I was tired, exasperated, and beginning to wonder if I was going to get this gig, when the chairman looked down the table at me and said, “Why do you want so much fucking money?”
Instinctively, I replied, “Respect,” and shut up. After an uncomfortable silence, one of the lieutenants looked at me, then at the chairman, and said, “He’s our man.”
That was definitely a Mad Men moment for me and I just reacted. I was tired. I was prepared to not get the gig — and perhaps at that moment, I had nothing to lose.
What I also had going for me was a lot of self-respect. But that hasn’t always been the case. The confidence that stems from self-respect comes and goes for me just as it does for anyone. Projecting confidence and self-respect is powerful, but it’s not something you can fake.
So, how do you cultivate self-respect? How do you handle the bad feelings that undermine confidence?
Here are the techniques that I use before I walk into a negotiation:
First, I talk with someone who can remind me of my strengths, help me understand the worst-case scenario (often it’s not even that scary), and consider the real possibilities that the opportunity offers. Note that they must be solidly in your camp and be able to keep the focus on you.
Second, I remember my professional expertise and credentials. Even jot them down. I’ve found that when I’m in a stressful situation, I tend to forget the value of my accomplishments. I default to an “I’m not worthy” state. I’ve seen the same default in my creative clients and co-workers for years. So my little list of accomplishments refreshes my memory.
Third, I get my potential clients to tell me why they invited me to their party. “What was it in my background that made you think I could help?” This does a couple of things. It reminds them why they considered retaining me. It helps me focus my remarks on what they’re interested in. And, better yet, it reminds me of my value, which increases my self-confidence.
If they don’t know my credentials, I suggest, “perhaps it would be useful if I walked you through my accomplishments and how I think my insights might be helpful to you.”
Fourth, I take action. Action is a proven confidence builder. I research the client. Know their priorities. Plan my approach. And stay in control during the meeting by asking questions and providing observations.
It’s easy to feel like respect comes from outside — from our clients and the people we work with. But true respect begins from within.
In that Mad Men moment, when I answered the chairman with the word “respect,” it was after a long series of actions, all designed to shore up my confidence.
When I said “respect” I was thinking:
“My clients choose to work with me out of respect for my expertise, experience, insights, skills, and the results I’ve achieved.”
If these confidence-building steps work for you like they do for me, your self-respect will soar and so will the respect you get from your co-workers, your colleagues, and ultimately your clients.
This article was originally published in Marketing NW.
